Rage

Lost in extremes beyond control, I feel the rise of its touch

blindly searching for solace through pain

comfort through destruction

blood and bone, wrath and prayer

all fall before me

power consuming, courses through my veins.

 

Back, back before the hurt, before the addiction

misery wails soft and yearning

gone again, loosing sanity in the terrible beating of my heart

maddening, insistent … the drum pounds fierce and strong

driven by desires too confused to speak their name.

 

Alone, ageless and yet so so ancient

familiar the sting of loss, of loosing,

being many, everything yet nothing

turned away, facing the howls within

the world exists only to feed my delirium.

 

To rend, to tear

take the pain away

to drink in blood; drunk, giggling insanity

it rips my soul in two

fornicating the fury unbound

release me!

ripping, snapping, tortured and torturing

lost in the haze, mind numbing agony

 

Destroyer of hopes, slayer, murder

passion and plague, frenzy and fear

terror, emptiness, the hollow shrieks uncomforted

loneliness, shame, despised and hating

wanting to hurt for the hurt, yet fearing….

 

The wounds are deep

inflicted, mirrored upon myself

turning against their master…

fang, claw, tooth and nail

biting into my flesh, even as I strike

lashing out once again on another

shredding my soul, and the tears never end.

 

Snarls … whimpered regrets,

bunched fists … fingers spread in supplication,

reaching, grasping, pleading

screaming promises too painful to keep

nothing; rejected once more

absolution denied to the damned.

 

Still I beg, bleeding upon the ground

curled in an infant ball

suffering in silence

crying gone horse, passion spent

the Beast subsides for another hour…..

 

And yet I wonder, crippled as I lay…

gasping, panting, surrendered to the storm,

tuneless notes thundering on the wind

a lost and sadistic piper playing homage to my past

am I He, the Beast, or He me?

 

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