Date: Wednesday, October 30, 1996 7:09 AM
Scratching the Darkness
I remember a time when darkness did not control the being... whole... and Howling, slashing, laughing consume me... torment my aching soul. I remember a time when the light eclipsed, serpent coiled about my mind, and spring rain and sunlight were toys for baptisms all my kind. I remember the thrill of the hunt and all the joys to feel, and when the midnight hours ran side by side, as I sang in blood... heal. Oh to feel the long forgotten caresses of warm and beating nights, and take the road to freedom in boundless giddy flight. Twilight gone in an instant, never to return entropy, and when the witching hour comes will I be aware to yearn?
Muttering from the back of the assembled throng, it spread like fire on a careless wind... Could it be? Was this she? So old... she could not be. But the thoughts of those long gone whispered in their minds... those that had the gift of past life spoke in worried tones to their brethren, shooting suspicious glances at the figure on the hill... Aloof, and alien, they felt her age like a dizzying wine, tantalizing ancient warnings... Why had the elders invited her back? She was not one of them, she had not been for longer than the memories recalled, and something about her... reeked. Pups gestured angrily, and those more versed in diplomacy growled deep within their throats. Even the elders seemed ill at ease...
Fury washed over her at the animosity lapping her shores, and she tired of the vicious tittering of frightened birds... She drew herself up to her full height and silenced them with a glance. If you do not respect me, you will fear me, cowardly dogs! A snarl of frustration echoed in her mind, and only through self-control did she remain poised, motionless. She despised them for their fear, for their anger. She had always been shunned, even before her fall from Gaia's grace, turned aside by her betters and snubbed by elders who exploited her caring weaknesses. How she loathed them... Run, fall... I will destroy you all! You are no match for my rage. With a cold smile, she opened her mouth and thought became sound.
"I am LyCanthress Argentium'Diens, once of the Garou. I have come at your summons. I am here to lead you; what would you have of me?"
Angry curses were uttered, and all eyes turned towards the elders... Treads-On-Silk, Philodox of Get, immediately raised one hand, gesturing with a strained fist in her direction, one finger stubbornly refusing to curl as he poked it at her.
"I am an elder of my pack, and you will not speak to me so, black dog. The litany was laid down by Gaia Herself to preserve Her wishes to Her children, that all Garou would follow it to Her greater glory... Speak to me as my rank calls for, or you will soon find that abrasive tongue lying beside your severed head, Canth, mark my words..."
The smile on her face faded, but she met his gaze evenly, neither challenging him nor lowering in defiance. His rank meant nothing to her, as did his proud cawings. Frightened little birds... The power of her presence reverberated within her, and she drew upon it, quelling his arguments and startling the entire crowd.
"Forgive me, brother, I meant no disrespect. My services are yours to command, as always... I serve Gaia as best I can. My loyalties are not so distant from your own, for I long to tear the Wyrm from these lands, and my touch is not so sweet as a mother's tongue to offspring of Weaver's brood. You asked me to lead; I am here. I am Loup Garou... what more could I offer?"
She settled to the ground and waited for them to speak, crossing her legs and lazily scanning her fellows for a hint of their intent. Pompous brats... They were hardly worth her time... naive, idealistic... Gaia was not the forgiving Goddess she showed her Pack to be. She was a cold, hard she-bitch that broached no straying from Her word... and offered no solace to those too young or too hungry to tread down beaten paths, no matter how innocent their intentions, nor how good the cause appeared. She wrinkled her nose at the stench of their belief...
I am too old to hold fast to dying faiths, young fools. Even as I once thought as you... I searched for truths deeper than this mindless devotion, and found nothing but death and corruption. Tell me of the love of Gaia and I will show you my scars. Lead me back to Her ways, and I will bare you my pain. There is no forgiveness in forever, my brothers... Infinity is it's own damnation. There is no hope in planned obsolesce, my sisters... rise, be free, the Wyrm will not hear.
But whatever your plans, whatever your motives... call me not a coward, for I was never meant to be, and my howls have outlived all your generations... I despise you, my children, for you shrink from me in hate. I adore you my family, for I am your lost and bastard child.
Thoughts warred within her, but she appeared calm, tranquil, intrepid. Perhaps they would ask her to leave this time, it did not matter. Her pack flourished, and she guided those that would listen as best she could. She sought release, and it would not be denied her... this time. She laughed at their fury, crying inward tears of shame. It did not matter; in the end they always drove her away, clawing and gouging in panic. If only they understood...
All she desired was acceptance, a body of warmth to cling to, a soothing hand during the fevered hours, unity, one-ness... She desired her family back. Even her pack, for all their love and attention was not enough to still the voices within. Peace, peace... Bring war to a common foe, and cease this mindless bickering amongst ourselves... Belonging... what a cozy, terrible want. Perhaps she would let them use her one more time, for the masochistic benediction such martyrdom bought.