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From: Kalista
The woods were quiet, the gentle murmurings of the trees held at bay by the low, plaintive cries of a wolf, -Kalista-. She uttered one last cry before falling to the ground and curling up next to a rock, her knees held tight to her chest.
Lyness lifted her head, catching the trailing ebbs of the howl, questioning herself. "Kalista?" She shifted to wolven form, running to find the source of those lost and lonesome howls, pausing to sniff as she gets close to where they would have originated. She sniffed a bit more, trying to catch the aroma of her friend, if she was indeed there. "Kalista? Art thou here?"
Kalista glanced to the left, then the right, speaking in the middle of a small sob, her voice cracking. "Lyness?"
Shifting back to human form, she rushed over, enfolding Kalista into her arms, deep concern in her voice and her actions. "What ails thee?"
Tears ran down her cheeks as Lyness comforted her in her arms, the realization of truth not helping. "I'm a failure."
Lyness cradled her in her arms, rocking her slowly, folding her into her lap, brushing her hair from her face. "And why thinkest thou art a failure?"
"Because I am... everyone hates me... They don't want me as Primogen... Sally... Johnny... Jared left... Everything I try to do good for the clan blows back up into my face...and I get accused of siding with others instead of clan! I'm just trying to do what's right... in my eyes..."
Lyness' jaw twitched a touch, her brain reminding her of the disturbing things she's been hearing. Very softly, she spoke, "And what dost thou think right?… in your eyes, sister?"
"It's just that clan, might not always be right... we make mistakes, we all do... But why does everyone judge me so harshly? The night at the Church... Sally was wrong to hit Alic, you must see that! Your love for her is blinding you, as is your hate for Alic... I'm just trying to be fair..." Kal broke back into sobs, continuing. "Me and Johnny argued at the Church on Saturday, and Jerry got into it. I held him back, and begged him to stop, when Johnny urged him on, in the Church, in Elysium. I knew if I held Johnny back, Jerry would go after him, but if I held Jerry back, Johnny wouldn't... But then, everyone only sees it that I am siding with the Brujah!" Her voice dropped down to a whisper. " I'm just trying to do my best for the Camerilla, for all of us."
" The clans... are only protected by their Primogen. They have no other to call upon. It is the way of things... that if the clan, even if they are not right, should have protection. The other clans will follow this, whether or not thou choose to do so."
Kalista rubbed her eyes, trying to awaken her senses. "All they want is you... not me... All I want is how it used to be... You, Renata, and me.... A family. But I would protect them, but they don't think i can... But they've never seen me try. I would've stayed to protect Sally, but I didn't think things would escalate that far... I did protect Johnny, whether he realizes it or not, whether anyone does. I'm not you Lyness, but no one will understand that."
"Doth thou know of the law, in Elysium where one mayest not break those things belonging to another? I held no animosity for Alic... Not even when he named me whore, in front of my childe."
"Fuck... You sound just like her. I know Alic, and you, know Alic, and we both know he was wrong. But was running him over with a car the same as breaking a windshield? He's all bark and no bite, he would never do anything to hurt you physically. But I know, names can hurt. That's all I've been getting lately."
" Alic staked my childe to revenge himself to me - to bring me the anguish he so justly sought. Do I thinkest Alic was the only one to blame? Surely not.. sister.. and it was failing on myself not to have better prepared Sally for the horrors of Brujah love." "He didn't just do it to anger you Lyness. He did it because he was pissed off plain and simple. She hit him with a car, he's going to seek revenge. I didn't come here to debate that night. It's over, done with. I mostly came to ask you if you could find someone else to be Primogen."
With a gentle smile, Lyness look at her closely. "Thou wishest it not?"
" I want it... But I want what's best for the clan, and... the clan isn't happy with me as Primogen. I lost the man I loved because of it..."
"As thou put thy concern for the family, before thy desires.. I respect thee all the more. We shall have a meeting... If thou wilst attend... To see what the clan wishes. "
Kal shook her head. " They don't want me, they want you. And my word is out voted now... Those in the clan I loved have fled... from me..."
"Mayhaps Jared will return."
Wiping her eyes, Kalista took a deep breath, trying to calm herself enough to deal with the touchy subject. "I don't think so… I don't even know if I want to be part of the Camerilla anymore... it holds nothing for me... As does Dallas... "
" I lovest thou well, sister... very well. Thou art the last of that which I knew, before. I bind you not, as you are Gangrel... but wish... wish... thou wouldest stay."
" Stay for what? Do be berated in my face, gossiped about behind my back. Dee was so eloquent as the meeting, I had nothing but an 'attitude'. Nothing holds me here except for past memories, and future humiliation."
"Thou art more. Thou art family. Twas wrong of me to place you in so precarious a position... so soon. I beg thy forgiveness."
" It is not your fault! I was merely never meant to be a leader, I will forever be no more than a sheep, a follower. I'm an outcast in my own family." She stood, getting ready to leave. "If you do have a meeting, please left me know, though I probably won't come. I would just sour the mood."
" If thy affections movest thou elsewhere, I shall be saddened.. but wish thou well. If thou wouldest stay... we can but try to bringest thou that peace which I wishest thou."
Kal's voice held a bitter tinge, " How can I stay, when the majority of my clan wishes I were dead. Johnny wanted to fight me for the Primogenny, give it to him since he's wants it so bad. They both have doubted not only me since the beginning, but you as well. They both wonder what must have brought you to give this inexperienced neonate the Primogenny, and now, I wonder the same thing."
Her voice halted, on the edge of tears. "They do not wish thou dead. Wilt thou stay.. help to make it the way it was? The rest... is misunderstanding."
" I'll think about it. Maybe I'll stay in Dallas, but, in the Camerilla? I doubt it."
Lyness nodded, feeling the last of her past slip from her, ripped, shredded. She sighs, "'Tis more than I have a right to ask. Thank you, sister."
A thin trail of tears ran over Kal's cheeks. "I have to go. Thank you Lyness."
" Camarilla.. the games.. they are nothing to the Gangrel.... only this... please... this..." She slowly raised her wrist to her mouth, biting into it, letting the blood flow. "Doth thou understand?"
She clenched and unclenched her fists. "I… can't… It'll only make things worse…"
Lyness rode, lowering her wrist. "I would not bind thee. Only family... only love.. only clan. as I lovest thou. Only clan matters." She embraced Kalista in a fierce, yet gentle hug.
She smiled sadly. " No... I'll see you around, maybe I will pay a visit to Renata." Kal loosened herself from Lyness' grip. "I hand you back my crown. It was fun while it lasted. Bye." Letting the tears stream freely down her face, she turns and heads back into the city.
Softly, in a bare whisper, Lyness watched after her. "I love thee. Be free... to do as thy heart guides. Know only this: I lovest thou."